Learning to let go when organizing

The process of organizing our belongings is all about essentials. In other words, it’s about deciding what is truly important to you, what improves your life, what brings joy and beauty into your home.

Consider this: An object has no meaning until you give it one. Think about that. A baseball is just a baseball - unless it’s the home run you caught watching your home team or it’s autographed by your favorite player. Suddenly, it’s much more than just a baseball. It’s a memory, a memento.

This is why it becomes tricky to let things go. We’re attached to our belongings because we’ve given meaning to them. They become extensions of who we are, where we’ve been, and what or who we love. So letting them go feels like we’re giving up a little piece of our history and ourselves. It gets personal.

Please don’t misunderstand; there’s noting wrong with having items like these in our lives. On the contrary, they can add great warmth and comfort to a home. The key is in choosing and keeping items that actually serve you and lift your spirits. To do this, it becomes essential to not just ask, “Why do I have this?” but also, “How does it make me feel?”

For example, we often label an item as sentimental and therefore meaningful. However, sometimes it really isn’t love that makes us keep it, but guilt over letting it go. This is particularly true when it comes to items inherited from loved ones we’ve lost. It’s not just a picture, a figurine, or a quilt; it’s a remnant of the person it came from.

So I’m going to challenge you to really feel what comes up when handling these items. Is it truly the nostalgia and joy that comes with a happy memory? Is it a true extension of who you are as a person right now? Or is it a fear that someone will be disappointed with you for not wanting to keep it, that by letting it go it will mean you love them less? Do you fear you’ll forget if it’s no longer there? Is it a feeling of guilt that you’ve been entrusted with something even if you don’t like it?

When my mother passed away, I had at least 20 boxes shipped to Los Angeles because it was too hard to make a decision on many items. The grief was still too fresh. (Fortunately, I had plenty of storage space for it!)

As time went by, I was slowly able to pick and choose what was truly meaningful to me. Those carved, wooden family initials I’d hung on the wall came down as I realized it wasn’t my style of decorating. I preferred displaying other fun family mementos.

Some figurines my mother had given me went to Goodwill. I had to be brutally honest about those. They were lovely and I understood why she had bought them for me. But I also knew I was only holding on to them because they’d come from her, not because I really loved them.

What I kept instead were figurines that not only reminded me of a special memory I have of her but that represented things I personally find beautiful in the world. Things like two glass dolphins, a butterfly ornament, and an orca whale she bought during our trip to the San Jan Islands. It was no longer just about these items coming from her – though it makes them even more special – it’s knowing they are things I’d have bought for myself to brighten my home.

Here’s what I’ve learned from loss. We are physical beings who relate to the world in a physical way, through our senses. When we lose a loved one, regardless of how that relationship has ended, we are left with an empty space. We can no longer see, hear or touch them. 

So we transfer our feelings for these people onto their belongings because we can see, feel, and, most importantly, control them. They can’t leave us unless we say so. 

It’s completely understandable to want to keep it all; each one feels unique and special. Yet if we’re really honest with ourselves, we’ll know which we truly care about and which we don’t. The truth is we only need a few things to bring back all those happy memories.

You could have nothing and you will still have the memory of all those you’ve loved, all the experiences you’ve lived through. Your loved ones would never want you to keep something out of guilt. They no longer need it and neither do you if it’s only there out of obligation. And holding on to the past leaves little room for all the future is waiting to bring you.

Try to pick your most favorite pieces. Items you feel proud to display, excited to share the story behind, and that reflect your individual personality, not someone else’s. If an object doesn’t genuinely bring you joy when you handle it, then regardless of the memory it’s actually weighing you and the energy in your space down.

Your home is your sanctuary; fill it with beautiful things that make your world a better place and make your heart feel light.